Wednesday, October 5, 2011

There ain’t no ‘we’ in Chokeville

I am no fan of Howie Carr, but I couldn't have said it better..... he however should have mentioned that this "we" business is also laughable because it implies, I guess, that the fans are also on the teams and play themselves? (don't think so!)

There ain’t no ‘we’ in Chokeville

By Howie Carr
Friday, September 30, 2011 - Updated 5 days ago
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What a shocker. I mean, WE were doing so great until Sept. 3. And then THEY had a worse September than Rick Perry.

There is no joy in Shillville.

Worst choke in baseball history, even worse than the Braves this year, the Braves who used to play in Boston, which as someone said yesterday proves that you can take the Braves out of Boston, but you can’t take the Boston out of the Braves.

Everyone chant together, “We’re number three! We’re number three!”

I guess the cream of the Boston sporting press is going to have to find some new rear ends to kiss. “Beanpot Fever Grips Hub!” Prepare for three months of enthralling sports talk.

Host No. 1: “I love Tom Brady [stats].”

Host No. 2: “I love Tom Brady more than you do — I got a lock of his hair when he went to the barbershop!”

Host No. 1: “I got two locks of his hair!”

Host No. 2: “Rah-rah-”

Host No. 1: “Sis-boom-bah.”

But don’t worry. By February, WE’ll have the best team in baseball again. Every jock-sniffer in the city will agree, just like they do every year. Just like the Patriots[team stats] are a dynasty, even though the last time THEY won a Super Bowl was the year George Bush was re-elected.

The clue on the Red Sox [team stats] should have been that the Yankees always have players with nicknames such as “Mr. October.” The Red Sox are full of “Mr. Mays,” and I don’t mean Willie.

You know how much fun it is to go to Fenway when WE’re winning. But it’s horrible to pay $30 to park when THEY start losing. WE were so smart to get Carl Crawford last winter, but now it looks like THEY wasted $142 million.

It was like a morgue in some hotbeds of Red Sox worship yesterday. I know, I’m writing this column from a place where seldom — make that never — is heard a discouraging word about THEM. I would have taken some of the mourners out to lunch, but I was afraid they’d make like their heroes and ... choke.

Now the pom-poms are put away. The fatties are looking for their 3-XL Tom Brady No. 12 sweatshirts. Honestly, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh at these guys living in their moms’ basements, calling the shows at midnight, their voices cracking, demanding that baseball add more wild-card teams so the Red Sox could get in. ...

One sweatshirt you won’t see much of for the next few months — No. 58. That belongs to baseball’s best reliever (according to the Red Sox hagiographers), Jonathan Papelboneinhisthroat.

To everyone in Shillville, I leave you with one thought. WE didn’t lose, THEY did.